Life in Your Years Blog: Health, Finance, & More

You have picked out that special someone, or that guy or gal you desire to become your dating interest, boyfriend or girlfriend. Maybe you have some friends or relatives that you love, and want to send them concise and fun love messages, or in the case of someone you are more than just friends with, romantic messages. Do you even have an idea where to begin? Could you pen love messages and romantic sms messages if you needed to? Do you even understand anything concerning the above subject, love messages?

Yes, it is a great concept to jot down a few romantic messages to your loved ones, whether in text form or even on paper (do individuals still do that??). Why? Because individuals love receivig love messages. They enjoy regularly getting a little note from those individuals they care for. A simple message from a loved one can make a person’s day more happy. Also, a well-written love message can allow you get in with somebody, simply because paying attention to others is one excellent manner to get that person to notice you. The following are 3 tips to think about when writing love messages.

One. Compose Your Own Messages

Swiping someone else’s material is quite bothersome to me. Do not steal people’s love messages or take them from youtube, your favorite musician, etc, all the time. It is okay to use some unoriginal stuff, like a traditional love poem or a buddy’s love note, but you want to add some of your own content. Using your very own content has a couple of effects. Firstly, it shows that you are intelligent. While noone likes a know-it-all, people do value intelligence. If you can’t come up with something original, it makes you appear unintelligent. Secondly, people value your time given to them, and they value it more if they know it is uniquely from you, and not some dopey love quote you swiped from another person.

2. Keep It Concise And Basic

People don’t have a lot of free time in the modern world. It is a shame, but this is the reality. Most people are good at squeezing a message into 125 or so letters, so we always expect that the love messages or romantic sms we receive to be short, even if they are for a boyfriend or girlfriend. So, whether sending a love message on your phone by text or by sending an electronic letter or paper letter, you do not want to write a lot. For one, if you write too much you can look needy and attached. As an example, if a dude sends a message that requires six texts, it makes him appear weird. What type of dude has the time to text a message that lengthy? Well, I say it is somebody that doesn’t have any life. So, keep your romantic messages short, simple, and to the point. If you do that, you will also look kind of mystifying, which means people will want to attempt to get to know you better.

Three. Don’t Be A Creep

You can come across as scary by doing different things. One way to obviously be creepy is by saying too much too rapidly. For example, you don’t want to proclaim your love early on in a relationship. If you state “I love you” too much or too early, you will look clingy and loser-like. Play it cool and move your relationship and your love messages incrementally. You do not want to appear weird or like you have to have a relationship. Being needy, whether you are a female or guy, isn’t attractive and isn’t going to permit you to maintain a relationship. I suggest taking it easy.

As I have shown, creating your own love messages is easy, whether writing to your girlfriend or boyfriend. Even if you want to be romantic or just friends, you are able take sms writing into your own hands!

The essayist suggests writing good messages if you desire to be loved and attract a girlfriend or boyfriend.

I have been reading a lot about Neurolinguistic Programming lately. In fact, I absolutely love the subject. Some of the insights are changing the way I view life. Among other books, I have been reading Get the Life You Want, by Richard Bandler.

NLP has changed my view on the causes of my emotions. I used to think the world outside determined my view of life. If I got angry, or discouraged, or whatever, it was because stimulus A or B, in the outside world, made me that way. I also viewed my lack of opportunities the same way. If I wasn’t successful, it was either the government’s fault, corporate America, etc. I even blamed my graduate school for my lack of opportunities. However, I missed one key factor in all of this: me. (I should note I still don’t trust the government, the Academy, or big business; however I no longer believe they have any noticeable effect on my future).

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Nobody has to react a certain way. Granted we will all face pain (something author Rick Hanson, in Buddha’s Brain, calls ” first darts”), but how we react to, and deal with that pain, depends on how we respond internally. Hanson mentions that we often throw “second darts” at ourselves, self-inflicted pain that is caused by continually reliving past pain, or, in some cases, inventing pain (for example, when there is no actual pain involved, like when we enter a messy room and explode on our kids for making it that way). In other words, our response to just about anything is really an internal issue, not an external one. It is easy to say “I have to be angry, because look at how I have been treated,” but do we really have to be anything?

This is why you can line 100 people up, and an annoying guy can walk up to them, and 40 will get angry, 50 will remain calm, and 10 will just laugh it off and maybe even make friends with the guy. This is very good news really. It means that the big, bad evil world out there doesn’t control us. We can change our perceptions and change our life. Related to this, one maxim I now live by is “there is no failure, just feedback.” Think about it. Successful people take failure, learn from it, and get back up. They may “fail” multiple times, but they know that by coupling determination with a desire to learn from mistakes, they will be successful eventually. People who view their mistakes as “failures” rarely learn, and are so drowned in self-pity that it creates a downward spiral of even more failure. I used to feel this way, and was kind of proud of how “beaten down” by the system I could be.

Again, this is great news. The power to succeed is inside, not outside. It is great news because I can’t control outside forces. If I believe I am a victim (as many in education want us to believe), then I’ll be a victim. Do you know how many times in grad school I was told how awesome it was to be a victim (even if they preferred terms like “oppressed”). Sadly, for many years I pretty much agreed with them and took jobs that didn’t pay me enough, etc. The funny thing is that the tenured professors who told us how great it was to be victims were making great money and living in the best neighborhoods with great security systems.

I am not saying it is easy to feel a different way than you are used to. Most of us have spent a lot of time feeling ways that don’t work for us (if your head is sore from beating it against the same brick wall, it might be an indication an approach isn’t working!). We have literally built careers and lives based on fear, anxiety, etc.  I now believe it doesn’t have to be that way.

I just read about an interesting study that shows that eating berries can reduce your risk of developing Parkinson’s disease. Berries are very high in antioxidants, plant pigments, etc, and are very healthy foods. Coffee also lowers the risk. Apparently the solution to prevent Parkinson’s is to go to a Panera, and enjoy a Wild Berry Smoothie and a coffee. I actually did that last week.

I recently bought the book Young Bucks: How to Raise a Future Millionaire for a great price. Since my wife is expecting, I thought it looked interesting. The book, from what I can tell, is about raising a kid with an entrepreneurial attitude. A few years ago, I would have been horrified at such a book, and my visceral reaction would have been negative, but I  have been evaluating my view of work and education lately, as I am aware of my own prospects for job advancement, and the general work situation in America.

I have started questioning the way work “works” in America right now. With a majority of Americans unhappy with their jobs, corporate greed, non-profits squeezing every last drop from their employees, and increased government hassles and regulations, a lot of people just plain aren’t happy with their current job or job prospects. Incomes and benefits are dropping. Our first inclination is usually to blame the individual job or company, so we change  jobs, but then find there isn’t much difference between faceless company A or faceless company B. The same is true of Non-Profit A and Non-Profit B. No matter where we work, it seems like we end up giving the best ideas and time we have so that somebody else benefits (whether the stockholders or institution), and we hope and pray that they give us our fair share (such as raises, benefits, etc), and don’t lay us off when the economy gets a little bad. Basically, we don’t have simple human autonomy. We move far from friends and family just to find that one perfect job, only to find it isn’t really that perfect.

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Most of my friends are very frustrated with work. Perhaps it is just a little Facebook over-dramatization, but most aren’t looking for riches, but instead a job that pays fairly and gives them the autonomy to live their lives (e.g. having time with their kids, etc).

One answer to this problem is to resent business, schools, non-profits, etc, and this is the solution many people take (and that I used to take). However, I am convinced now that the answer is not resentment (which only hurts you, not the company), but starting new systems. Instead of working for a bad system, or even changing the system from within, the solution to me is to start something better and compete with the bad: Plant a new tree*. Instead of resenting the financial services sector, start a financial business that does things right and ethically. Instead of lamenting the way stores treat their employees, start a store selling something great and treat your employees right! Instead of complaining that non-profits are inefficient and always begging for money, find a creative way to increase efficiency and get more money.  One of my long-term dreams is to start an energy company that takes advantage of the “crack” in gasoline refining costs, and passes savings onto the consumer so that all the local gas stations aren’t charging the same price (how is that for real competition??). I would love to be the local supplier and station that is always 10 cents or more a gallon lower than the competition.

Ultimately, I don’t care if my child is a millionaire. I want him or her to be happy and have autonomy in life. Research shows that small-business owners are happier than average workers, even though on average, they make less money. I don’t want my child thinking that work=scraping by giving her best for somebody else. If that is what she wants to do (work quietly and happily for somebody else), then I will support that. However, I don’t want this to be the only option. He shouldn’t have to look around at adults hating their jobs and job prospects and think “that will be me someday, beaten down by the very system I am supposed to look forward to.” Whenever someone asks her what she will do when she grows up, good answers will be “in charge” and “happy.”

* – note that for some institutions, I think fixing things from inside is best, as opposed to starting something new. Religions and governments are an example where constant splitting has caused problems. There is value to unity, however not the point of virtual enslavement.

As I continue with my exploration of Mindful Eating, I am  now reading a new book, Eating the Moment by Pavel Somov. I am enjoying it so far. Somov recommends 141 tips to be more mindful at meals. I am only finished with 1/3 of the book, but I have already gleaned some interesting tips. One is to have a fiesta instead of a feast. Somov tells us that the word “fiesta” comes from the Latin word for “joy.” His point is to take a holiday, and instead of revolving the whole thing around food, make a non-food activity the “main event” of a holiday.

As I pondered this tip, I realized how many of our holidays revolve around food. I don’t think we would know how to celebrate a holiday without food at the center. However, there are millions of joyful activities out there, it is just a matter of finding them. After our huge meal, Jonathan and I always take an annual Thanksgiving Day hike, if the weather permits. We have done this for years, and often the weather is so nice it is kind of like an Indian Summer. The muted browns and reds of nature from those hikes are deeply burned in my consciousness. The conversation is great, and it is a time to catch up. Looking back, while I appreciate the Thanksgiving meal my mother and grandmother prepare, the hike stands out more than just about anything. The reason is that I typically overeat at the Thanksgiving meal, and end up feeling tired and foggy-minded. Granted, this is my own fault, but my point is that while the meal is good, the hike is invigorating, and not weighed down by the side effects of eating too much.

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My point is that who says we couldn’t have an annual Thanksgiving picnic and hike? It always gives me joy. We wouldn’t get rid of the Thanksgiving meal; it just wouldn’t be “about” the meal. The meaning I experience hiking could be the source of joy, rather than the meal that often gets the best of us. More joy and less bloat, mind-fog, and body fat? Sounds like a winning tradition.

When I was in high school my older cousin was on (yet another) diet, and he said, “you know, with our genetics, I realize I will have to battle with food everyday of my life. It is just that simple.” This was 15 years ago, and he is still obese. He must not have had the fight in him. Either way, I agreed with him, and for the sake of my physical, emotional, and social well-being, I decided it was worth fighting the battle. That idea stuck with me: I would fight food, and win.

I was thinking today about a concept I came across while reading Mindful Eating. It is an idea from the Buddhist tradition that essentially says that whether you have a strong desire or strong hatred of something, you are still tethered to it. It made me realize that I have been “tethered” to food since I was 11 or 12. Whether it has been anxiously overeating or purposefully undereating, food has had a grip on me. I consume food, think about food, worry about food, but rarely, if ever, really enjoy food.

Over the years, I have won many battles, but lost many too. I have been a “yo-yo” dieter, reaching a high of 195-200 lbs in 2000, and again in 2006, to lows in the 150s-160s in 2002 and now. For the last 5 years, I have been winning the battle with food. I really have. I am the healthiest I have ever been. I am running 30 miles a week, and eating healthier than I ever have. My blood pressure is normal, my pulse is in the athletic range, and my mind is sharp.

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But, I am questioning the point of battling food at all, because I know that there will be losses ahead, because there always are. The whole idea of battling food seems baffling now. Why in the world would I choose to “battle” food every day for the rest of my life? Who spends everyday battling something that he can never conquer? What has food ever done to me?  If anything, eating can be a great experience, where each bite is a unique mixture of complex tastes, smells, and textures. The total experience of food even surpasses the mere taste: food can be prepared artfully, served regally, and be an accompaniment to some of the best social interactions ever.

I have decided to enter a rapprochement with food. I am laying aside my arms. I am battle-weary, and I am going to try something I haven’t tried since I was a child (when I was thin without trying): I am going to enjoy food. I mean really enjoy it. I don’t mean rush through it in a blur, eat to the point of getting bloated, and then “wake up” from  my narrow food trance. I don’t mean gulping down dinner while surfing the net or watching TV. I am going to savor every flavor, smell, and texture, and every moment that comes with food. The irony is that as I stop worrying so much about food, and I slowly sever the tether, I will probably find that reaching my ideal weight will simply happen. Enjoying food and losing weight? Now, that’s a win-win situation!